MLIA

Mon favorite MLIA

Today, my brother comes home from religion class where they had been talking about sex recently with a wrapped present. When I grabbed it and tried to open it he screamed, "NO DONT OPEN THAT!! THAT'S MY VIRGINITY!!" I don't know which was funnier - the fact that my grandma nearly peed her pants from laughing so hard or the fact that I, unwittingly, took my brother's virginity.

Today, I found out that my name means little lamb. My mom's name is Mary. Mary had a little lamb. MLIA

Today, I learned that when I was six, the neighbor boy I liked, crawled through a hole under the fence between our houses and proposed to me with a stuffed lion named Aslan and two Hershey Kisses. I accepted happily and got his dad to marry us by my swingset. Instead of kissing, we ended the ceremony by doing a very elaborate high-five, which included a somersault off a swing and a behind-the-back fist bump. I was an awesome little kid. MLIA

Today, while ordering a sub, I said that I wanted ham, lettuce, cheese and mayo. The guy making my sub looked at me and said in disbelief, "That's it?" When I assured him that's all I wanted, he looked at me again and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you're easy?" We stood there awkwardly looking at each other before he said, "Let's pretend I said you were simple." MLIA.

Today in my math class, my friend was joking about how in freshman year he hid in his old teachers closet, jumped out during a different class, and yelled about how he just came back from narnia. without missing a beat our math teacher goes " it took you a trip to narnia to get you to come out of the closet?" He had no comeback. MLIA

Today, I was walking around campus and every so often someone would walk up to me and say "found you!" and then continue on their way. It took me until lunchtime to realize I was wearing a red and white striped shirt and blue jeans. I will be wearing this shirt more often. Waldo strikes again. MLIA

Today, my dad bought a new microfiber tablecloth that repels water. We spent all dinner "accidentally" knocking over our water glasses so we could watch it in action. MLIA

Today, I was rude to my mom so she told me to that I couldn't go on my computer for the rest of the night. When I told her that I had grapes to harvest in Farmville on facebook, she thought about it for a moment, and then said, "Ok no iPod for the rest of the night." I'm glad my mom knows what's important. MLIA

My Biology teacher always uses squirrels as examples. Today we were going over ecosystems, so he asked "What do squirrels need to reproduce?" One guy in the front, without thinking, responded with "Nuts." The class cracked up. MLIA

Today I was cutting a pomegranate with a large butcher knife. As I was in the process of cutting it, the doorbell rang. Not thinking, I answered the door with a red-stained knife in my hand. It was a little girl trying to raise money by selling cookies. She looked scared. MLIA.

Today, my cousin who I haven't seen in a while came over to visit and saw my new dog. When he asked what the dog's name was, I simply said "Guess". He spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out my dogs name. My dog's actual name really is Guess. MLIA

Today I received an email from my high school advisor named "SEMESTER FINALS TEST SCHEDULE!" When I opened it there was nothing but the lyrics to Hakuna Matada. I am slightly confused, but even more excited. MLIA

Today while taking a vocabulary test, I was on question 69. Naturally, I chuckled and looked at the question. The word in the question meant "inappropriate and obscene" I chuckled again, and my teacher looked at me and winked. MLIA

Today, I was waiting at an intersection when I saw a little boy at the crosswalk pull out a wand and flick it at the light. It turned green. I'm on to you, wizard kid. MLIA

Today was my birthday, so one of my friends bought me a balloon that sings when you hit it. My teachers kept getting annoyed at me for having people smack it in class, so when I got to my last class, I tied it to a chair in the back of the room. After my teacher gave us work to do, he pulled a tennis ball out of his drawer and chucks it at the balloon, causing it to sing. I knew there was a reason I liked this teacher. MLIA

Today, I had a basketball game against another school. Before the game began, I went to the bathroom. I sat down, and on the stall door in front of me was a sign that said "He's watching you (look up)" I did, and there was a picture of Robert Pattison making a creepy face. I laughed, and am seriouly considering a transfer.

Today, I was speeding through the city where my husband works as a cop. I heard a police siren behind me so I pulled over, sure I was getting a ticket. The cop pulling me over turned out to be my husband. I showed some cleavage and gave him a doughnut, he let me go without a ticket. I now feel very proud of myself that I successfully bribed a cop. Today, I bumped into a cheating ex after a year of not seeing him. He admitted he's become unemployed with no prospects. I've just graduated medical school. I win. MLIA

Today, while walking across campus I saw a large scruffy man with an umbrella. I didn't know Hagrid and I went to the same college. MLIA

In the Google vs. Yahoo war, Google always wins. When I typed "your father", yahoo replied with "Wait till your father gets home." Google said "your father was captain of a starship for 12 minutes...he saved 800 lives including yours." Owned Today, I saw a MLIA about someone not being able to sleep after seeing Paranormal Activity because of the fear of having evil spirits in their room...than I noticed the vote count, it was 666. Hmmmm. MLIA

Today while trying to find a parking spot on campus, I noticed a cardboard sign was blocking one the the open spaces. The sign read "This spot is reserved for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's Invisible Boat Mobile. Thank you." MLIA

Today, I took one of my dogs out to do his business when he started barking like crazy because the fed ex guy was walking up the sidewalk. I started yanking my dog back, when the fed ex guy just laughed and said "You want the guys in brown." Fed Ex: 1. UPS: 0. MLIA.

Today, I went to one on my schools football games. When I actually started to watch the game a guy in a banana suit ran across the field with two gorillas chasing after him. It made my year.

For halloween I decided to go trick or treating as Taylor Swift. My friend is coming with as Kanye West. Cannot. Wait. MLIA